Revision TLDR;

Sentence

Find the verb

Find the verb. Put either “who” or “what” in front of the verb to figure out who is performing the action of the verb. If this reveals that the verb does not point to a main character, you need to revise.
Do not use vague verbs or nominalizations. Verbs should name important story actions.

Tips

Review these strategies:

Refer to Useful Nominalizations.

Active vs Passive

Passive voice is OK in these situations:

The doer doesn’t matter.
When passive helps with sentence transitions. For example, when the subject of a sentence needs to be something introduced in the previous sentence.
To create consistent characters. Use passive tense to keep the character in the subject of the sentence and maintain a consistent point of view.

Cohesion

Cohesion refers to how each sentence ends and the next begins. Begin a sentence with familiar information, and end it with new or complex information.

Cohesion > Clarity

There are three principles of clarity:

Make main characters the subjects of sentences.
Make important actions verbs.
Put old information before new information.

If you have to choose among these principles, choose the third. The cohesion of a passage is always more important than the clarity of individual sentences.

Begin with familiar information so readers can connect what they know with new information. New information includes:
- Information in the sentence that they just read.
- General knowledge that the readers already possess.
End with new information.
Simple to complex.

Coherence

Coherence is about having consistent topics in your sentences, specifically, how all sentences cumulatively begin. The subject of each sentence should contain the main characters.

Topic is a psychological term—it refers to the idea that readers expect a sentence to be about or refer something. State the topic towards the beginning of the sentence to make it more clear.

Finding characters and topics

Before you write, list the characters and concepts that you plan to write about. These are the main characters in your story.

To help with this, give the passage a title. This often identifies your topics.

Tips

You can make sentences and paragraphs coherent with these methods:

Connecting sentences with transitional words: next, because, however, so, therefore, also, and finally.
Ensuring that each paragraph and topic focuses on one idea.
Subordinate or coordinate ideas appropriately. Use which, that, and when to subordinate less-important details.

Emphasis

Readers naturally stress the end of the sentence. Get to the subject and verb quickly so readers can better understand the complex information you add at the end of the sentence:

Intro phrase > short, concret subject > action verb > emphasized complex information

Revision strategies

Because the end of the end of the sentence is also complex, you need to revise:

Trim the end. Remove unnessary words.
Shift peripheral (weak) ideas left.
Shift new information right. New information comes at the end.

Devices

Here are some quick tips to emphasize the correct words:

Put the key concepts of the passage in the stress position of the opening sentence.
There shift to move information to the right.
Passive tense to move new information to the right.
What shift to move information to the right.
It shift to revise sentences with a long noun clause.
Not only , but .
Pronouns to prevent too much repetition.

Concision

This is common editing. Follow these rules:

If your sentences have qualifiers:

Hedges—don’t hedge too much.
Intensifiers—don’t use too many.

Shape

Follow these rules, and your sentence will have shape:

Place the point near the beginning.
Get to the verb in the main clause quickly.
Do not tack on phrases and subordinate clauses after the verb.
Do not interrupt the flow too often.

Fix the dangling modifiers.